♪ Hey baby I hear the blues a’ callin’ tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ Ross: Hi *Crowd laughter* Joey: What’s wrong buddy? Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich *Crowd laughter* Chandler: Well what did the police say?! *Crowd laughter* Ross: My Thanksgiving LEFTOVER sandwich! Ross: I can’t believe someone just ate it! Ross: You see my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches Ross: Her secret is, she puts …uhh… an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle Ross: I call it the moist maker *Crowd laughter* Babish: Hey what’s up guys. It is that magical time of the year, and I am very happy to be doing a Thanksgiving special Where we are going to be making Ross Geller’s disgustingly named “Moist Maker” Thanksgiving Sandwich For this we’re going to need a can of jellied cranberry sauce A box of turkey flavored stuffing and most importantly a package of 90 calorie-I’m just f*cking with you. The night before sandwich day, we want to prep our 20 pound bird by butterflying it. This means cutting out the spine and flattening. Which is a long arduous process if you don’t have the right scisso- Whoap! So go out and get some poultry shears, because this is really super hard unless you have the right tools. Hang onto the spine, we’re going to be making gravy out of that but for now it’s time to remove the wishbone which is going to make flattening the turkey a whole lot easier. Now, you can still make a wish with the wishbone but…it’s…not quite the same as… Bust out your best chiropractor skills press down hard on the center breastplate breaking it in half. Turn the bird around so that the audience can see what you are doing… Add about 2 tablespoons of baking soda to about a cup of salt and coat this guy LIBERALLY. You want it to look kind of like a light snowfall. Now our friend is headed to the fridge for 24 hours. Your going to want to get some sleep, because tomorrow’s going to be a long day. *sigh* Good morning everybody! Um… I hope you don’t mind if I work in my jammers. First things first, we gotta make the turkey stock. We’re going to start by cutting our turkey spine and neck into manageable pieces that we want to brown in a large stock pot. Make sure you get some nice brown color all over. …before adding some aromatics. We want carrots, turnips, parsnips, onions, a little bit of thyme, and black peppercorn A handful of parsley and then we’re going to cover it with cold water, and bring it to a gentle simmer. It should ALREADY smell like Thanksgiving. Whoap! Don’t forget to add a handful of halved garlic cloves. Set that aside to simmer, and it is time to make our stuffing. We’re going to cube a whole loaf of good hearty sandwich bread that we’re going to put on a large baking sheet and place in a low oven for about 2 hours. Just enough time to get dressed for dinner and start making our other stuffing…stuff. We’re going to start by browning a pound of plain pork sausage. Do this over high heat and keep letting it stick and scraping it up so that we get some good fond going. Remove it from the pan. Add back a little bit of that gray sausage fat. And add your vegetables. We’re going to start with onions Celery And I’m drunk, so how about a little bacon fat? Sautee that over medium heat until the vegetables are nice and soft and the deglaze with some of your great turkey stock. And we’re going to add a quarter cup of minced sage 2 tablespoons of chopped thyme and an indiscriminate amount of chopped parsley. Let those flavors get to know each other before adding back in the sausage mixing it all together and adding it to our nice dry bread cubes. Add some turkey stock and mix it up, adjusting as necessary until you reach your desired consistency. It should be nice and soft, but you should still see whole pieces of bread in there. before bringing 3 beaten eggs to the party. This is going to help bind together our stuffing. Mix well to combine. Aggressively butter a casserole and dump our stuffing inside. This guy’s going to go into the oven for the last 30 minutes the bird is cooking. Speaking of which… You want to lay down a huge bed of chopped vegetables to prevent juices from the turkey burning. …but this is all I have, so it’s going to have to do. Throw down some thyme sprigs. Cover those with two baking racks and after rinsing off the excess salt, place our bird on top. You want to get it as dry as possible The dryer the better. You’re going to get crispier skin that way. This guy’s going into a 400° oven for about 2 hours While that’s going, we’re going to make our cranberry sauce. We’re going to start with a pound of cranberries, and a cup of sugar… A glug of any red wine you have lying around the house… And just enough water to cover the cranberries. Don’t forget a whole cinnamon stick a little bit of freshly grated nutmeg the juice of half an orange and we’re also going to hack off a hunk of the skin and throw that in there. That sounded a lot less gross in my head. Bring to an aggressive boil until it reaches an almost cranberry sauce like consistency. Fish out our little treats and it’s gravy time. Start by making a roux from about 3 tablespoons each flour and butter before adding that beautiful turkey stock. Maybe just shy of 2 cups. Make sure you keep whisking it the whole time so you don’t end up with any lumps. Season it with salt and pepper as desired and boil it down to your favorite consistency. I like my gravy the way I like my women… thin and rich. …sorry Anyway, it is time to pull out the juiciest, crispiest, fastest cooking turkey you’ve ever made. That we’re going to tent with foil and let rest for at least 30 minutes before transferring it to a cutting board. Removing the thighs and drumsticks. Make slices down each side of the breast bone. Cut underneath each breast, and remove for easy slicing. Try a little bit and make sure it’s not poisoned… Nope! It’s good. So we’re going to cut this into slices for our sandwich and then, it’s assembly time. I’m going to start with a layer of white meat some stuffing and the secret to monica’s ultimate Thanksgiving sandwich, “The Moist Maker” a slice of bread dipped in gravy. Then I’m going dark meat on the top More stuffing some cranberry sauce slice of bread Squish it down, slice it up and check out that cross section. Then eat it as fast as you can before your coworkers steal it.