Oh my God yeah So I get a letter in the mail from my old high school And it’s like Ya know, time for the reunion My girlfriend saw the letter she’s like
Ohhh! your reunion And I go yeah my reunion When is it when are we going? Um… Actually I was, I was gonna take my friend Tony Cause you know we went to high school
together he’s my best friend since high school So I was gonna take Tony You’re gonna take Tony instead of me? That’s what’s gonna happen huh? You’re
gonna take Tony instead of me your girlfriend You’re gonna take Tony No… It’s okay It’s okay you take Tony ok
and I hope you have a great time Aw, thanks I knew you’d understand baby, I love you Don’t ask too many questions you know? So my buddy Tony and I we go to our school reunion We get there early too early, too early There’s nobody in the banquet hall so we
go upstairs to the bar area We’re watching a basketball game Everything is cool until some guy recognized me Hey you’re the comedian What’s up dude? Duuude… Funny bro, let me buy
you a shot Actually man um… I have my reunion right
now and I… I don’t want to show up drunk Awwwwww… I see how it Is bro You’re too good huh that’s what it is huh? ‘Scuse me George Lopez… Let’s do the stupid shot All right! Bartender shots! So he freaking makes a double And we freaking ‘cling cling’ and slammed it I’m like ohhhh… Thank you man, thank you Let’s do another one! Ohhhh… Hey man… I’m… I’m okay thank
you See how it is Paul Rodriguez?! Let’s do another shot… And he kept this pattern going He must have had like seven comedians behind his freakin’ wallet, ya know? One after another I got so drunk I could… It was a level of drunk where you can’t even walk straight You gotta look at the ground to navigate you know? You’re just kind of… I get to the reunion And here’s a lady at a table And she’s got stickers on the table that
say ‘Hello my name is’ And then with a sharpie you write your name I was so drunk I couldn’t even write Gabriel I wrote ‘Flaco’ Which is Spanish for skinny So you know I freakin’ write that, stick it on And we walk in The party’s going on ya know I’m trying to find a table My buddy Tony took off I couldn’t find
him I’m sitting there I’m like oh my God All of a sudden the lights come up and
the class president is holding the microphone Hello everyone! Welcome to the Wilson High
School class reunion Let’s just cut to the chase Find out what everyone’s been up to And keep the party rocking So she pulls out a list Who’s done this? Who’s done that? Who has the most children? Some girl in the back – Seven! Everybody’s like Puta! Now you remember OK All right She keeps going down the list Who’s done this? Who’s done that? Who… Who’s been on television? Everybody at my table who wasn’t talking to me before You know they weren’t talking to
me before Now they’re like Right here, right here, right here I’m like no, I’m drunk no shhhhhh Sure enough here comes the girl Oh, we have a celebrity over here Come on say something Get up here Flake-O Come on Flake-O get up here No no I’m ok Oh come on, get up here, are you too good or what? So I got mad and I jumped up… I’m not too good! Um… Everybody my name is Gabriel… Gabriel… Iglesias Umm, I don’t want to say a whole lot right now cause um, I’ve been drinking and I don’t want to say nothing stupid It’s really nice to be here with
everybody and… I see two girls here tonight Two… Who, when I was in the twelfth grade I asked out to the prom And they said no! Well you know what? It’s ok, it’s… Let me go! It’s ok You know why it’s ok? Because like she said I’ve been on TV And you two girls who said no, you got fat! One of them yells out , you’re fat too! I know I’m fat but I was fat in high
school I kept my figure why couldn’t you?