[vomiting] Oreos!
Their name reverberates like the clang of a bell. Yes, the classic American biscuit, the Oreo. See? It even says so on it. These are, of course, the British-built variety, which I assume are very similar. They made a big influx over here a few years ago, and are now everywhere. Not literally; that would be weird. Yes. They are a kind of chocolatey biscuit. Think something along the lines of a Bourbon, but slightly different, with some sort of milky-flavoured cream on the inside. And you can twist them in half, and lick all the cream off, or you can eat them differently, or you can dip them in milk, and do all these sorts of things which are very prevalent throughout pop culture. Now, some people are very down on the Oreo, as it’s a sort of cheap biscuit, but… it’s nice, and it’s cheap. What more do you bloody want, a yacht? Well, you can’t have a yacht, we’re only looking at biscuits. God, some people. Anyway, yes, these are original Oreos. Look, here is the packet I stole them from. It’s got everything you need to know about Oreos, including “twist, lick, and dunk”, which sound like a perverse version of those Snap, Crackle, and Pop elves. [chuckles] That’s not a cartoon I would want to see. Anyway, today we’ll be looking at fake ones, because they’ve been popular enough… well…to have brought in several “not actually Oreos” in the cheaper shops. By the cheaper shops, I mean almost entirely 99p Stores. So, I’m going to take a quick bite of these, remind myself of what they taste like. Mmm. The control Oreo, there. Yeah. Tastes exactly as I remember…strangely enough. You see, the thing is, they’re made out of relatively cheap ingredients. You can imagine… knock-offs being almost as good, can’t you? Or maybe as good. Can’t see that happening, but, hey, who knows? First job is, of course, for the packaging to look exactly like real Oreo packaging. And, so we begin with Borneo! Borneo is, of course, the third largest island in the world, and comprises, I believe, of about 75% Indonesia, about 25% of Malaysia, and I think Brunei is in there a little bit as well. That’s…Borneo. So, yes. As you can see, they look very similar… There’s a serious rip-off of the packaging going on, although this one has a sort of pleasing foil shine, to make it look more expensive, which is odd for a knock-off. And yes, these were from 99p Stores. Somebody else has eaten them all and said they were fine, and they have left me at least one, I hope, or this video will be slightly ruined. I think you got two packets, as well. And here we go! Well… Oh. …Something slightly tragic about that. Umm, yeah. They’re the same size and the same shape, and not quite as much cream, but there we go. What about the taste test? Ooh, Masonic symbol!
The Illuminati is here, people! Wake up, sheeple! Mmm-hmm. Umm…mmm. Noticeably different flavour. It’s got a chocolateyness to it, but also a kind of, umm… tang of something else. It’s not unpleasant… but it’s not as good as the Oreo. Umm…yeah. Whereas the white, the cream inside is extremely similar. Mmm. Yeah, not quite as good. Not far off, good for the money, but not quite Oreo levels yet. I just noticed these were apparently made by Halk, who is, of course, the barbarian character from the old Dungeon Master game for the Atari ST and Amiga. Glad to see he got himself a job later. Next up… O₂! O₂ is, of course, the chemical symbol for oxygen, which is the gas that keeps us alive that we breathe in air. That’s…O₂. “Sándwich de cacao relleno de crema”. Mmm. This one has gone a bit foreign on us. Looks very similar to the last one, but with a more flowery design, and does not have hydrogenated fat! Thank goodness for that! Yeah, and it comes in a big cardboard box, so, you’ve sort of knocked off the… whole ripping off of the packaging here, so, good for you. You made them look a bit different, although, let’s face it, you’re still strongly hinting. And you get 50% free. Five packs, of…ooh. Ooh, look at that. Thank you, Gullón. “Cream-filled cocoa sandwich”. Oh, yeah, it does have it in English on this somewhere, just for me to read in a funny voice. Hmm. Oh, there’s six of them in here, by the looks of it. Oh, yes. Ooh, dear. Oh, these are noticeably lower quality on the moulding than Oreos and… Borneos there. [chuckles] “Borneos”. Right. Mmm, same sort of size, oh, and, in fact, I would’ve said exactly the same size and cream amount in there. So, what are they like, then? Umm… Hmm. They are a little bit softer than Oreos, and it’s not like they’ve gone soft in the packet, because they were in a box and sealed in that. Umm… They’re alright, although they’ve got that cheap Bourbon thing going on, where… they actually don’t taste that chocolatey. Umm…slightly unpleasant aftertaste going on as well. I think that might be the cream. Mmm. Not massively impressed with those, now. These are the worst yet. Oreo still wins, then followed by Borneo, then O₂. Now, I only had two rip-offs, which wasn’t quite enough to do a video, but fortunately, a friend discovered in his local co-op… Duplex! Duplex is, of course, the setting on the photocopier that’s supposed to copy both sides, but actually just jams it up and pisses off your boss. That’s…Duplex. Royal Duplex, yep.
Straight from the Queen Mother to you. Oh! Oh-hoh-hoh-ho! Look at that! It appears to be exactly the same! Let me have a bit of proper Oreo as a control again, hang on. Mmm-hmm-hmm. Mmm. Munchalicious. Right. What’s the–Oh, my God! What the f… So, Duplex is basically Borneo… but without any quality control? I was not pre-warned of this. I should check this in a moment via the medium of text with the person who ate them, but, umm, yeah. Mmm. This is definitely the same biscuit, isn’t it? That can’t be a coincidence. But does it taste the same? Actually… now I’ve ruined it with the control, now, I’m going to, um… see if it’s exactly the same as the other. Hang on. Right, I’ve got the flavour of that. In goes Duplex. Yeah. I’m pretty much convinced that’s identical. Yeah. Yep, they are exactly the same, just horribly mashed. Now we’re going to go for a jump cut while I actually text the person who had got the Duplex and asking him if all the others were smashed up. The answer to that was, yes. When I say smashed up, I mean just sort of mashed and not put together properly. Apparently, both packets he got were like it. Ooh, Duplex. It’s really weird that you can get a product that’s exactly the same as another product, but not put together properly. Oh, well. Anyway, by the looks of it, Oreos win, by being slightly better than the others. Coming in a close second are Duplex/Borneo, and coming in a far third are O₂. I swear to God I had O₂ in the past, and they weren’t…umm…didn’t taste like that at all. So, maybe, they’ve got crap over the years. I don’t know. I don’t really care. I’m going to go into another video now, maybe about… things. Twitter