Top 10 Absurd Overreactions by Schools 10. UK School Bans Triangular Flapjack Proving that the insanity shown on British
TV show TOWIE is home grown, a Local Essex school banned lunch ladies and parents alike
from serving flap-jacks cut into triangular shapes. In the UK, flapjacks do not refer
to the soft pancakes eaten with maple syrup consumed by Americans. In fact, according
to Castle View school, it refers to dangerous weapons that can be used by children to bludgeon
or stab each other to death (or, according to those liars at the BBC “chewy biscuits
made from rolled oats, golden syrup or honey”). On one occasion, a year 7 student was hit
with one of them so hard he had to (hold your horrified gasps in), go home for the rest
of the afternoon. The principal, Gill Thomas, immediately banned all lunch ladies from cutting
their flap-jacks into triangular shapes, only squares and rectangles were allowed. An insider
reported that this was due to a health and safety issue in the school as apparently,
the sore eye the student received was more life-threatening than anything pens and pencils
could cause. These often utilized instruments can, in the hands of school children and MacGuyvers
alike, double as dangerous weaponry capable of causing severe injury or even death in
some cases. After verifying it was not a spoof article
written by the Onion, the UK health and safety agency gave a carefully worded statement “We
often come across half-baked decisions taken in the name of health and safety, but this
one takes the biscuit. The real issue isn’t what shape the flapjacks are, but the fact
that pupils are throwing them at each other – and that’s a matter of discipline, and
has got nothing to do with health and safety as we know it. We’re happy to make clear
that flapjacks of all shapes and sizes continue to have our full backing.” 9. School Bans Frilly Socks because of Trip
Hazard Again in England, a school in Gloucestershire
banned students from wearing frilly socks as one student had tripped over them. After
assessing the situation in a kangaroo court of some unknown variety, they came to the
conclusions that long frilly socks were an unacceptable risk and issued strict restrictions.
When parents rebelled against this new rule by sending their children in with frills,
the school kindly provided new socks for them and gave them a reminder letter, warning that
next time the kids would be sanctioned. It is worth noting that shoelaces are a bigger
trip risk in schools, more students wear the than not, and reportedly fewer know how to
tie them than use an iPhone. As errant shoelaces can lead to trips more frequently, we’re
curious as to why those haven’t been banned yet. 8. School Bans Hugging and Handshakes to prevent
violence A school in Croydon, South London, placed
a heavy handed ban on hugs and handshakes. Why? This was done so as to reduce incidents
of bullying in school. As the school revealed to the BBC after a student was suspended for
giving her friend a hug, “Physical contact between students is not allowed at the academy
because it is often associated with poor behaviour or bullying and can lead to fighting.” That’s
right, giving someone a hug could lead to you emotionally harassing them and then eventually
giving them a physical beat-down. Similarly, another primary school in Australia
banned its students from hugging each other after the principal noticed that hugging in
the school was apparently an epidemic which occupied students and possibly consumed every
waking moment. Ironically, studies show that giving of hugs help increase positive emotions
and could help reduce outbursts of violence by people as well as calm them down. In the
first case, we can say the reasoning was counterintuitive, in the second case completely absurd. 7. Schools ban best friends and Christmas
cards because they could lead to hurt feelings Proving that the ultimate goal of schools
is to create a mini version of the island Lord of the Flies, select schools have placed
bans on best friends and giving of personalised Christmas cards. In both cases, administrators
fear a sense of rejection and disappointment may push these kids to depression and make
them feel excluded. Personally we feel the worst that can happen is probably that the
children…throw tantrums or something, or at the very least feel mildly disappointed
(and we can’t have that now can we?). 6. Schools ban Birthday cake Remember bringing your birthday cake to school
and sharing it with your friends? Turns out that means that you’re an incredibly bad
person who deserves to be punished for attempted murder. Several Australian schools banned
cakes due to their triggering allergies in a few students. Let that sink in: because
a few students were allergic to some ingredients, cake was banned for everybody. Parents were
not the only ones pointing out the absurdity in this. The CEO of Allergy and Anaphylaxis
Australia agreed with parents, with reference made to the guidelines of the Australasian
Society of Clinical Immunology and Allergy which describes general food bans as “generally
unnecessary and are not recommended in late primary or high school” 5. War on Birthday Candles Proving that Australia hates both childhood
and birthdays, blowing out of birthday candles on a cake is now prohibited in some Australian
schools. This is because germs could be transmitted from the blowers into the mouths of those
who consume the cake. Children are instead encouraged to have little cupcakes instead. If you think this is going too far, there’s
more: staff are required to wipe down toys, door knobs and children with disinfectants
so as to prevent the spread of germs. Ironically, Australian doctors pointed out that this policy
would lead to the children being less healthy in the long run as they would have underdeveloped
immune systems. 4. School tells child to keep his bag away
rather than punish bully Everyone knows that schools are supposed to
deal with bullies for the kids that can’t defend themselves. It’s a natural thing
to expect. You give your kids over for a few hours and they protect them in return. So
it must have come as a shock to Noreen Bruce when her child who was the target of bullies
was simply advised to stop making himself a target. Grayson Bruce was a fan of the My
Little Pony series and his mother had bought him a bag with the face of the character Rainbow
dash on it. What must have started as some casual teasing escalated into full blown bullying
with some kids telling him to go kill himself. When the school counselor had to be involved,
she merely advised the boy to stop wearing the bag, as it triggered bullying. That’s
right, if someone attacks you for doing a thing, stop doing that thing. Instead of stopping
the bullies, the school merely told him to go away (and if you think not wearing the
bag anymore would have been effective, you don’t know children). 3. School disallows girl with food allergies
from eating with others Turns out having allergies means you’re
anti-social in some schools. Yup, that’s right. A school in North-West London had a
student named Lisa-Mbali McFarlane effectively quarantined at lunch times because her parents
wanted to regulate her diet. Turns out that Lisa had allergies to different foods like
which contained additives, sugar or dairy products. Seeing as they could not control
the foods the school served and knowing that four year olds have no capacity to stop and
think, “Wait, that’s bad for me,” they opted for making her a packed lunch. Knowing
about her allergies and understanding that she had reasons for not eating the regular
food, the school then proceeded to keep her in a separate room at lunch time. Because
eating different food is anti-social and so therefore we must keep you in a different
room to make you more social? 2. Skinny Jeans on girls are banned Don’t worry, London isn’t the only one
that does the whole blaming the victim thing, a Petaluma middle school in California banned
skinny jeans on girls. Well, that’s normal in a twisted way, schools have dress codes
which students must adhere to. The reason however, was utterly baffling. The school had banned the girls from wearing
the jeans so guys would not be distracted. That’s the same thing as banning wallets
so thieves wouldn’t steal them and legitimizes sexual harassment. Of course the students
protested but the school turned a deaf ear. While we understand the motive behind this
we can’t help but think addressing the underlying sexism would be more helpful. 1. School bans girl for being different Apparently being different in a school can
lead to you being expelled even if all that is different is a haircut. Sunnie Kahle was
three years old when she and her grandmother, Doris Thompson, chopped her hair to donate
to cancer patients. A clearly sweet and charitable act led to horrible consequences when, at
eight years old, school asked her grandmother if Sunnie was a lesbian. In second grade,
the school decided to not allow her admission because she apparently behaved like a boy
in school. They sent a letter to her grandmother saying
“You’re probably aware that Timberlake Christian Schools is a religious, Bible-believing
institution providing education in a distinctly Christian environment, and we believe that
our biblical role is to work in conjunction with the home to mold students to be ‘Christlike…It
seems that the school’s goals and biblical foundations are going to be in contradiction
with the direction that Sunnie is heading at this point.” To sum this up, the school
thought the 8 year old girl might have been becoming lesbian or transgender and then expelled
her. Hurrah for traditional family values right?